My Official Green Bay Packers blog

“What super power do you have?“

“I can kill coaches without ever touching them.“

Jim Mora Sr. has been having trouble sleeping lately, having nightmares of his son, Atlanta Falcons head coach Jim Mora Jr. being killed by their star quarterback, Michael Vick. A crafty news reporter posed the question to the elder Mora, asking if Vick was a “coach killer” (no doubt inferring Dan Reeves was also a victim of Vick’s super powers - though not the powers he weilds as alter ego Ron Mexico, mind you).

Mora answered that he was concerned for his son.

Um, hello? Why is the idea of Vick being a coach-killer news?

Didn’t I cover this topic over and over? Am I the only one not sucking the exhaust fumes Vick kicks out as he runs by?
If you get a chance to watch a Falcon game and they give you the behind-the-QB-angle, watch him size up his open receiver. I’ve given shorter glances to the hot redhead with the nice breasts at the end of the bar at 2am. It’s not a wonder he throws so many balls on the ground - everyone knows who the ball is going to, and his Sugar-Ray-Leonard-windmill-punch delivery tells everyone when it’ll be leaving his hands.

Instead of rallying his troops when they’re down, he sits his cornrowed locks at the end of the bench like a brooding wideout who isn’t getting enough looks at the ball.

Change the guy’s number to 32 and put him about 10 feet further back from the snap. He’d be a phenomenal running back.

I’ve met Joe Montana.* And you sir, are no Joe Montana.

* lie

Technorati Tags: Michael Vick, Coach Killer, Football, Atlanta Falcons

You know how the old story goes.

You’ve got these ho’s, right? And there’s this one that just doesn’t generate the cash like the rest. “I don’t like to swallow” or “I’m not letting him put that in there!” Whatever the excuses, she’s bringing down the team. So you cut her loose.

Then some other pimp picks her up off the street. He buys her a new dress, makes her boobs bigger, gives her a copy of the Kama Sutra, then sends her back to the same corner she used to work for you. Your corner.

Only now, she feels vital and sexy. A cat that’s gonna purr. Those icky things you wanted her to do don’t seem so icky anymore. And she starts making money. Lots of money. On your effin corner.
You know that old story, right?

No?

Well a different version of that same story was played out on Thanskgiving day in the Motor City when the Detroit Lions faced the Miami Dolphins for The Pride Bowl. Joey Harrington returned to face the team that turned him out after last season, doing what I thought would be impossible if the Lions had any pride left in them.

As it turns out, pride has been outsourced to lower cost foriegn manufacturers, too.

The Lions had an early lead then watched it vanish like sardine snacks at Sea World as Joey Harrington stood up and led the Dolphins to 27 unanswered points and a victory against a now-reeling Lions team.

Henry Clay Ford has always been a softie when it comes to winning. “Just Try Your Best, That’s All Anyone Can Ask of You” is stitched on the inside of every jock in the Lions lockerroom.*

Somebody has to pay. Last year it was Steve Mariucci. This year? It’s gotta be the unpolished, overgrown adolescent pulling the strings on the operation. You can’t go around calling people faggots (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay), preaching accountability (then letting Naked Fast Food Man keep his job), or the big, hairy enchilada: going 23-68.  As long as Millen is calling the shots, the Lions are shooting blanks.
* Not actual fact.

Technorati Tags: National Football League, Matt Millen, Detroit Lions, Flaccidity

The family plate will be full this week, so I’ve dashed off my Week Twelves way early. With Week 11’s Monday Night Football not even kicked off, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to afford a Playstation 3 with your winnings from the picks in this entry, unless you were smart enough to hire a homeless guy to buy it in stores before they got scalped on eBay.

Here’s hoping you and your bookie enjoy a violence-free holiday, including over-stuffed feed bags, unbuckled pants, a soft place to make an ass-groove and some football.

Week 12 picks:

Miami at Detroit - The Lions are accustomed to playing on this Thursday of Thursdays, where Miami may not be too fond of it.  And if the Lions have any pride, there’s no way they let their former tackling dummy beat them at home.
Tampa Bay at Dallas
Denver at Kansas City
Arizona at Minnesota
Carolina at Washington
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Houston at N.Y. Jets
Jacksonville at Buffalo
New Orleans at Atlanta
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
San Francisco at St. Louis
Oakland at San Diego
Chicago at New England
N.Y. Giants at Tennessee
Philadelphia at Indianapolis
Green Bay at Seattle - Sorry.  Even with a second stringer running for his rain-soaked, Starbucks-filled life for Seattle, I can’t see the Packers beating the Seahawks.
My previous record:

Week 11: 9-6 (w/ one game left to be played)
Week 10: 9-7
Week 9: 10-4
Week 8: 8-6
Week 7: 5-8
Week 6: 8-5
Week 5: 10-4
Week 4: 11-3
Week 3: 10-4
Week 2: 12-4

Total for the season: 92-51