Back around the time of the revolutionary war, those of us U.S. Americans who were fighting the British were coming to the realization that if we kept lining up in rows, in big grassy meadows, trading shot for shot with the British, we were going to get our asses handed to us in little pieces. They had more men with better training and better weapons.
So the Patriots said screw that. Let the British stand out in the battlefields in tidy rows. We’ll hide in the woods nearby and pick them off under the cover of leaves and shade.
At the time it went against every protocol for gentlemanly conduct in mortal combat. It was against the War Code of Ethics.
That’s right, people. We were cheating patriots.
And thank God for that. If we hadn’t cheated, today we may well be sipping tea, eating crumpets and speaking in Eng… well, you get the gist.
So is it that much of a surprise that Bill Belichick, leader of the New England Patriots, may be found guilty of similar offenses? According to Steve Czaban, Roger Goodell and the NFL just this offseason had a sit-down with the franchises to define for them what was considered cheating and what wasn’t. One of the things mentioned was using videotape to try to steal playcalling signals. In fact, to quote the NFL:
“Clubs have specifically been reminded in the past that the videotaping of an opponent’s offensive or defensive signals on the sidelines is prohibited”
And apparently, even our Green Bay Packers had a similar experience with the Patriots. Bob Harlan, Green Bay Packer board chairman had even told reporters that “It was the same f***ing cameraman. I think his name was Matt Estrella. We held him after the game, then escorted him out of Lambeau and placed him in the middle of Lombardi Avenue at bar closing time, hoping for nature to take it’s course.”*
It didn’t. Estrella escaped Green Bay and lived to cheat again and again, until he was finally caught at the Meadowlands and held there by both team and NFL security as well as New Jersey state troopers. I guess Estrella finally broke down and turned over the video when he saw a taser trained on his junk.**
I want to be mad about this, but my opinion of the moral character of most people in professional sports is so low that I don’t really care that much. Belichick is a home wrecker, manipulator and now, a cheater. He was still a golden god of football right up until the last one. Now he’s just like the rest of the people in professional sports who suspend ethics for a slightly better chance at winning.
What should Judge Dredd do to punish this criminal for his actions? I say let the punishment fit the crime - force the Patriots to publish their calls and signals for each play and provide them to the opposing team, then pump the audio feed for their sideline mics through the stadium PA system. Then everyone will know what their calls are. Do it for as many games as Matt Estrella was present at a Patriots game.
But I know Jerry Glanville, former NFL coach and coiner of the phrase “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin,’” would have been proud.
But Glanville also traded away a 3-time MVP.
Moron.
*not actual quote.
**another lie. But just about the taser and Estrella’s junk. The rest is true.
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