The people that work on Madison Avenue must think I’m a rube. You know, the PR/marketing types that wear the latest, trendy eyeglasses, dress in all black (or all brown, the new black). The ones that are hired by big chain department stores to raise the profile for the stores they’re working for by say, bringing in local celebrities to sign autographs. Celebrities like Green Bay Packer Cornerback Al Harris.
Al Harris probably receives an appearance fee in the neighborhood of $20,000-$50,000 for sitting down in a chair, drinking a beverage and signing autographs for a few hours. And you know, God bless him for it. If I could earn that kind of money for something I do every few weeks anyway (sitting down in a chair, drinking an adult beverage while I scratch out checks for the mortgage, telephone and electricity bills), I’d jump on it like a fat kid in a cake pit.
But I’m an idiot. At least that’s what the big shot marketing types think. Why else would they send me emails and press releases about Al Harris appearing at a particular store at a particular day and time, then ask me to post about it? So I can do the marketing leg work for them, getting the word out to their intended audience (you), all for free? This isn’t Al Harris Helps The Crippled Children or Al Harris Feeds The Poor! This is Al Harris Gets Paid Big Dollars to Promote Big Chain Stores in Making More Money.
Not me. Mizz Madison Ave, if you want me to sell your information to my audience, you can address my check to Rod “Show Me The Money” Tidwell, right after you finish adding the zeros to Harris’ check. You can even take one of the zeros off of mine. (What can I say? I’m a giver.)
Until then, feel free to keep sending the pressers, pdf’s and emails. Just don’t expect anything but a lambasting.
Editor’s Note: In the fine print of this big promotional announcement I received I found this clause - you’ve gotta spend $50 at the store in order to get a trinket Al will sign. He will not sign anything other than the trinkets you get after spending money at the store. Now don’t hate on Al - I’m sure he had nothing to do with that clause. But you’ve gotta hate on somethin’.