You may or may not have heard - Brett Favre was on David Letterman last night. I didn’t know about it until this morning when the local news crews, starving for anything newsworthy beyond yet another report claiming that Wisconsin drinks and drives more than anyone on the planet, showed a snippet of Dave’s interview and some predictable me-maw commentary about whether he was retired or not.

And then I heard Bob and Brian talking about the interview, and it stirred me up enough to watch the interview myself (I didn’t see it last night).

Now, I’m convinced Brett Favre is my slutty ex-girlfriend. When Favre was asked to his face if he was retired, he’d say he absolutely was, loved it in Green Bay, and if he was playing, he’d play here. When I asked my slutty ex-girlfriend if she was done fucking other guys, she’d say absolutely, that she loved me, and if she was going to fuck someone, it would be me.

And then there was word that Bus Cook was shopping Favre around, just to see if there was any interest. “Absolutely not!” Favre responded “I don’t know where that information came from. I’m off the market.” When I asked my slutty ex-girlfriend about a friend’s story that she was shopping her cooch around, she replied “Absolutely not! I don’t know where that information came from. My cooch is off the market.”

In the end, I broke up with my slutty ex-girlfriend. A few months later there were “friends” popping up everywhere saying “Dude. I heard she was fucking other guys and didn’t know how to tell you. Everybody knew it.” So when the NFL preseason rolls around and there’s a dude looking for some cooch team looking for a quarterback, I’m not going to be surprised when Favre rolls out of a locker room wearing navy blue and orange, or maybe even purple. My hope is that if he comes back, it’s for the Lions, and he gets his knees crushed in a broken play. Kind of like my slutty ex-girlfriend, who got her knees scraped up when I accidentally dragged her behind my car for a few miles. (Kidding - it was like two city blocks, tops.)

Here’s the interview:

P.S. - Mom, if you happen to read this, sorry about the foul language, but Brett Favre is being a real fucker. Dammit!  Sorry again, mom.

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