My Official Green Bay Packers blog

The people that work on Madison Avenue must think I’m a rube. You know, the PR/marketing types that wear the latest, trendy eyeglasses, dress in all black (or all brown, the new black). The ones that are hired by big chain department stores to raise the profile for the stores they’re working for by say, bringing in local celebrities to sign autographs. Celebrities like Green Bay Packer Cornerback Al Harris.

Al Harris probably receives an appearance fee in the neighborhood of $20,000-$50,000 for sitting down in a chair, drinking a beverage and signing autographs for a few hours. And you know, God bless him for it. If I could earn that kind of money for something I do every few weeks anyway (sitting down in a chair, drinking an adult beverage while I scratch out checks for the mortgage, telephone and electricity bills), I’d jump on it like a fat kid in a cake pit.

But I’m an idiot. At least that’s what the big shot marketing types think. Why else would they send me emails and press releases about Al Harris appearing at a particular store at a particular day and time, then ask me to post about it? So I can do the marketing leg work for them, getting the word out to their intended audience (you), all for free? This isn’t Al Harris Helps The Crippled Children or Al Harris Feeds The Poor! This is Al Harris Gets Paid Big Dollars to Promote Big Chain Stores in Making More Money.

Not me. Mizz Madison Ave, if you want me to sell your information to my audience, you can address my check to Rod “Show Me The Money” Tidwell, right after you finish adding the zeros to Harris’ check. You can even take one of the zeros off of mine. (What can I say? I’m a giver.)

Until then, feel free to keep sending the pressers, pdf’s and emails. Just don’t expect anything but a lambasting.

Editor’s Note: In the fine print of this big promotional announcement I received I found this clause - you’ve gotta spend $50 at the store in order to get a trinket Al will sign. He will not sign anything other than the trinkets you get after spending money at the store. Now don’t hate on Al - I’m sure he had nothing to do with that clause. But you’ve gotta hate on somethin’.

I’ve read stories from sports writers who say they get irritated when they hear an athlete say things like “Jesus gave me the strength to overcome their 4-3 defense and take it to the house. Praise Jesus.” As it turns out, God must watch football, because it looks like being one of the best players in the history of the NFL gets you to the front of the line to talk to Him. Or at least His earthly right-hand man.

With Pope Benedict XVI in the U.S, delivering mass today in a sports stadium (why in heaven it would be the Washington Nationals stadium and not FedEx Field is beyond me), Favre will be there, either in person or in spirit (via video) to welcome the Pope on his first papal visit to the United States.

A football insider who’s seen Favre’s contribution to the 15-minute video to be displayed on the jumbotron upon the Pope’s arrival is reporting that Favre is seen wearing his 1996 Packer Superbowl ring, holding it up to the camera and saying “You think your ring is nice? Check this out, Benny.”*

Saint Vince was unavailable for comment.

* Fabrication. (Oh, Crap. I think I just broke the ninth commandment.)

I bet you didn’t know that Lloyd Christmas lives in Mississippi and works as a reporter. You also may not have known that about 50% of the population of northeast Wisconsin (less than I would have originally thought) is still hoping against the reality that Brett Favre really retired. Like maybe this is all an elaborate prank Brett, Cooter and Cletus Favre cooked up for a big yuk.

Nope. Brett’s really retired. Ever the fence-sitter, I don’t think Favre has signed his official retirement papers yet. But he’s done. And if you listen to the soundbites of his former teammates, it sounds like they’re engaged with the new QB regime (as they should be), and not wanting to discuss the recent Favre shenanigans. Their done. With Favre. Even if Bus Cook, Favre’s agent, really was sending out feelers to see if any NFL teams would have interest in an aging quarterback who doesn’t like having to live up to his own reputation, Favre is done.

But that doesn’t mean that those in denial of Favre’s leaving the game can’t engage in some unhealthy speculation. Like when an eight year old local Mississippi reporter asked Brett “What if Aaron Rodgers broke his medical colaminate ligament or something, and the Packers called you and offered you a jillion dollars and said you didn’t have to practice or shower naked with the rest of the team. Would you play then?” To which Favre said he’d be tempted. The reporter then followed up “So yer sayin’ there’s a chance!”

From there it spread like diarrhea from a diaper up to Green Bay and across the rest of the wide world of sports, and now, traveling through your eyes, directly into your brain. You might need some antibiotics for that.