This was an unpublished draft I wrote on April 25, 2008.  Interesting considering the current state of affairs, isn’t it?

I’m still feeling like I’m at the doctor’s office, pants down, bent over the table waiting for Dr. Fatfinger to give me my rectal exam. Favre was on David Letterman on Thursday night and seemed to play the retirement questions as coy as a lusty virgin at a biker bar. There have now been two occasions that when asked if he was given special privileges, namely being allowed to skip much of the mini-camps and training camp, it would be tempting to return to the game. Favre still has not signed his retirement papers that would make the retirement official. There were reports that Bus Cook was putting out feelers to see if other teams would be interested in Favre’s services.

What’s killing me is how, if all this is true, how Favre has taken advantage of his adoring fans. Legions of fans. Fans that buy everything he wants them to buy. Deanna has a book? Let’s buy truckloads! He has a restaurant? Let’s go there and pay too much for a steak! It’s Favre’s place, after all. We packed Fox Cities Stadium to watch him play his charity softball game. We bought cars and trucks from Bergstrom because Brett Favre told us to.

And now we plan to honor him by putting his name in the ring of honor, and rename one of Green Bay’s arterial roadways after him. All while it appears he’s still playing the field, looking for a place to play another season or two, after swearing up and down that he was retired.

Well Packer Nation, I cannot stand for this anymore, and you shouldn’t either. The whole of northeast Wisconsin suffered from a form of tattoo regret when we renamed Gross Avenue (which intersects w/ Lombardi Ave just east of Lambeau Field) to Holmgren Way, only to have Holmgren bolt from the Green Bay Packers later that same year. So we tattooed our city, including all the business cards and marketing pieces and official city documents that had to be changed, to honor a person who didn’t hang around long enough to see the paint dry on the new street signs.

One of the rules of tattooing is to never get your woman’s name tattooed on you. Especially in a visible place. Right now Green Bay has a small Favre tat on it’s ass cheek, on a short knuckle of a street. We can’t compound this lack of judgment and desire to fling ourselves at this one football player by renaming another, much larger thoroughfare.

How cheated on will we feel when Favre jogs out of the visitor’s locker room on the Monday Night Football 2008 NFL season opener to accept the honor of having his number retired while wearing a purple #4? Probably like you, too had a run with my slutty ex-girlfriend. She doesn’t deserve a spot on the ring of honor, and neither would anyone else capable of that level of deceit.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?

Here’s a start. This is the email address for Jim Schmitt, Green Bay’s Mayor. Send him a note simply asking that we have a waiting period before we go renaming things in Green Bay. The Hall of Fame has a waiting period. You have to wait to buy a gun. We can wait a few years before kneel one final time at the Favre altar. Ask him to call a moratorium on renaming for the next 12 months. ANYTHING to get him to prevent us from being made the fool yet another time by another of our football heroes.