His 70’s throwback dance will be seen on NFL football fields no longer, as Daunte Culpepper announced via email that he would retire from football, effective immediately. Um, yeah. That it was done via email and not in front of a microphone and cameras tells you everything you need to know. Without an agent or just a person with a grasp on reality to advise him, Culpepper turned down two offers for backup QB money, one in Green Bay and one in Pittsburgh. When Culpepper was informed that he would in fact NOT be competing for the starting job in Pittsburgh, he turned it down.

It’s also being reported that the coffee has been brewing for seven months now, but Culpepper’s sinus issues and dependence on long naps have prevented him from smelling it.

Daunte, in five years, when you’ve pissed away all your money on hookers and chartered boats, you’re going to wish you had that extra mil or two in the bank. You know, for bail money. The only reason you aren’t on a team today, earning big cash wearing a baseball cap and chewing sunflower seeds is because of your cruise ship-sized ego. Was there something about your time in Miami (6-10) or Oakland (4-12) that led you to believe you could carry a team on your back? Let me tell you something you may not have realized – when the hookers, mid-coitus, were telling you that you were the best quarterback in the NFL and that nobody did it better, they didn’t really mean it.

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