All morning I kept checking TWC channel 12 to see if by some miracle, I’d be able to add another millimeter to the ass groove in my couch as I watched the noon Packer game against Atlanta.

Instead, I was left to surf every other channel in the basic cable package to try to find something, anything to do with NFL football. Maybe an AFC game on our CBS affiliate, showing as-they-happen highlights of other games? Like from the Packer game, maybe? Nope, they only carried the late game.

So what did I get to watch? I got to find out all about P90X and the 50 year old dude that created the system. Hurry! Get your copy today!

I also got to watch Chalene Johnson sell her Turbo Jam exercise dvd’s. I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s a spider woman. Arms and legs are way too long for the size of that torso. A short, blonde spider woman with ripped abs and salt water boobs.

Ultimately I was left watching chick bowling. Chick. Freaking. Bowling. ESPN had their score scroll rolling at the bottom of the screen of chick bowl-a-thon, and that was the best I could do at that moment. I stuck with it for a full 40 minutes to watch updates. On the scroll. Morse code would have been quicker. Two cans and a string. Carrier pigeon.

Not being able to take it anymore and needing perfect silence in a house full of kids to listen to the game on the radio (and knowing I’d never get that), I piled the family into the minivan, filled their sippy cups with Jack Daniels and listened to the game while we circled the Fox Valley of the 41/441 loop. Oh yes, we did.

I own several large trucks. I believe I’m prepared to park one in each: the offices of WLUK, and the offices of Time Warner Cable.

Oh yeah – and Wayne Larrivee could not have gushed more about Rodgers playing through pain. Whoopdeedoop. From looking at the video highlights and stats at NFL.com, I can tell you the defense is really banged up, Turner outperformed Grant (hard to believe!) and Rodgers threw for over 300 yards. But they lost to Atlanta 27-24.

I hear the game was pretty fun to watch.

I guess I’ll be looking for a pair of rabbit ears this week.

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