I grew up watching Looney Tunes on Saturday mornings.  One of the cartoons I remember was of Chester and Spike the bulldog.  In this cartoon, Chester was a wimpy, anxious, willing to please little dog who was always glommed onto Spike.  Spike was the big, tough bulldog who had it all together.  He could instill fear in just about anyone and would be the crap out of those who weren’t smart enough to fear him.

Chester was Spike’s ass-kissing sidekick, constantly glossing Spike for being so strong and brave and smart.  But even in compliments, if Chester got under Spike’s skin, he’d get a stiff backhand that sent him skittering across the pavement and told to shaddap.

With his work behind the desk at ESPN this week, I think Trent Dilfer is Chester.  Unfortunately for this little analogy, Brett Favre is Spike.  Dilfer hopped around the ESPN analyst desk as he proudly announced that 1) he had Brett Favre’s number, and 2) he’d sent a text message to Favre and got a reply.

Then Trent gushed about how Brett was so smart and so strong, and of course he didn’t want to play football in 2009 because football?  It’s a stupid game.  Anything Trent’s hero would choose not to do must be stupid.

Are all ESPN former-jock analysts this stupid?  They must be, because I never see them writing any articles for the website.  It’s called edjamacation.  After what Brett Favre has done over the last few years, the yarns he’s spun, the Next of Kin-style southern spin machine he’s assembled with Cooter, Cletus, Boss Hogg and the rest of the clan down in Hazzard County, Trent’s a sniveling moron to take a texted “NO” from Favre.  How does he know it even came from Brett?  Did Deanna send it?  One of Brett’s daughters?  Across the spectrum of journalistic integrity, this rates just above “I got a friend who knows a guy.”

You’d never take investing advice from Bernard Madoff without first having the guys nuts in a jar as collateral.  Knowing the track record of Brett Favre and Bus Cook when it comes to answering sticky questions from the media, anything less than an on-camera video bite that can be used later as prrof that Favre and Cook are liars is just not doing your job as a reporter.

Trent, you’re a nice guy and a good family man.  But damn, you (and ESPN with you) were just sent sliding across the pavement when Favre punk’d the whole lot of you with his two-letter text message.  Shame on you for biting on the little grub that hillbilly through in the water for you.  Next time swim up and take a bite out of his fucking boat.

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