Earlier in the week, coach “dirty house” McCarthy said that the reasons the Packers lost were that the Vikings were starting with a shorter field, precipitated by their superior special teams play, and that the offensive stats were pretty equal for both teams.

I’d say that’s partially true. Scratch that.  The stat is perfectly true, but it’s only one of a shitload of reasons the Packers lost, and that list of reasons will probably find me wearing a Depend undergarment this week as the Packers face the winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and I try to not shit myself when the game is way closer than it should be.

Third down conversion percentage was just about identical between the Packers and the Vikings.  Problem is, with the Vikings averaging 5.9 yards per offensive play, they didn’t even get to third down that much.  So short field is an advantage, sure.  But if you’re seldom having to convert on third downs, the field could be 200 yards long and the Vikings would still have pounded the rock for six as many times as they did.

Ryan Grant’s longest run was for eight yards.  Eight.  For reference, within a few months of inking Grant to his overpayday, the Atlanta Falcons signed former Charger Michael (The Burner) Turner to a six year deal worth about the same per year money as Grant.  Last week?  Turner gained 150 against the NFC King of the Hill New Orleans Saints.  7.6 per carry.

Giveaway yards.  The Packers gave away 29 yards thanks to sacks.  And no, I don’t mean the 5-pack of scrotums protecting Rodgers.  I mean those plays where Rodgers had to run for his life to prevent getting himself turned into soylent green.  And don’t forget the shithouse.  Can’t really call it a dirty house anymore, Coach Mike.  6 penalties for 45 yards.  (which is better than the 70 in penalties they gave to the Browns the week before) Add these two together and we’re at nearly a football field worth of gifts to the Vikings.

And Rodgers needs to take a little heat on this, too.  Sure he was forced to run like a Tri Lambda getting away from an Alpha Beta, but you still have to put the ball on the mark if your guys are going to catch it.

Shithouse Mike?  You’re right.  You do need to fix your special teams.  But you also need a running back.  And something better than 5 bags of wrinkly skin protecting your quarterback.  Oh - and someone to return freaking kicks other than warmed-over fumblemasters.

Get on it.

That is all.

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