That’s what the first half of Sunday’s game at Lambeau Field against the streaking Dallas Cowboys was. Damn near unwatchable. The Packers committed seven of their dozen penalties in the first two quarters, choking their own drives like I did that one chick who used to get off on that kind of thing. Damn, she was a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder where she is now. Probably married with a couple kids, pining for more days with me, half-naked deep in the woods, bathing suit tight around her ne-, uh, where was I?
Oh yeah. Football.
After watching Kapinos and Mat McBriar acting like they were playing Australian Rules Football for the first 30 minutes, a single Mason Crosby field goal the only thing to appear on the scoreboard during that time, I started thinking about all the leaves I should be raking in my backyard.
Good thing I’m lazy, because instead of raked leaves I got to see an unexpected Packer win.
I don’t know about you, but for me it’s getting to the point where every time the Packers’ defense is getting pushed around and about to be scored on, I pull out my Charles Woodson-Jobu voodoo doll and pray for something good. (But shit Jobu – why are you always asking for the rum?) Damn if Jobu and Woodson haven’t come through in nearly every game this year. I know Nick Barnett gave coach McCarthy the game ball yesterday, but I’m hoping it was only because Woodson’s game ball locker was already spilling-over-full.
But that doesn’t explain how rookie linebacker Clay Matthews didn’t get that game ball, because Matthews was like a freakin’ Marine out there – wherever there was action, Matthews was nearby.
Does anyone know if Jeff Gillooly is out of prison? I mailed a Nancy Kerrigan mask to Ryan Grant and told him to wear it at the next practice, so if Gillooly isn’t available, I’ll have wasted a really good opportunity to improve the Packers running game. Really, people. Can we run this guy out on a rail? Maybe we could paint the back of a bus to look like the Chicago Bears D line. Grant would keep trying to run right into it until he was clear outside state lines.
I know there’s at least one guy out there who thinks I should be eating crow for my predicting a Packer loss against the ‘Boys yesterday. To that guy I would ask – who did you think was going to win against the Bucs? The Bucs? I’m surprised you can even open your mouth with all the feathers and gizzard you’ve got crammed in there. But whatever. Bygones. I’m not going to hold your selective memory against you.
McCarthy and Thompson can breathe a little easier knowing the pitchforks and torches won’t be headed toward their offices. At least not until the next game, when they face a dangerous (in a loser’s kind of way) San Francisco 49ers team that just beat the Bears in a snore-fest, 10-6.