You be the nine. You know, curl up like you’re in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, in fear of the idea of having to get with me again.

That’s gotta be how the Colts felt after the Packers shoved their fat, uh, football right up the backside of the Colts defense.

That Ted Thompson. What a moron. I swear if that stupid shit worked for the 49ers, he’d have replaced Joe Montana with Steve Young.

And we all know what a loser Steve Young turned out to be.

Being totally cereal, it drives me batshit insane when the Packers don’t address obvious needs like special teams (no offense Will Blackmon, but your bones must be made of rock candy), but you know? 59 is 59. It’s a lot. In the way Gilbert Brown’s Burger King tab is a lot. Or the number of men needed to carry Brett Favre’s ego.

Philadelphia? I’ve got the feeling Eagle tastes a lot like chicken. See you in week 1.

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