James Starks: A Nice Young Man
Posted in Players and Personnel
Isn’t James Starks a nice young man?
He looks like it. He looks like Isaiah Thomas, minus the sexual harassment.
And he says all the right things. Or at least he did in the 2 minute video on Packers.com.
Let’s take a closer look at this prospective Packers rock handler, shall we?
He attended the University at Buffalo, which has a student body of 29,000. UW Zero has a student body of 13,000, for reference. UW Madison has 42,000.
He runs a 4.5 second 40 yard dash. Faster than me, that’s for sure. Last time I ran a 40, Gilbert Brown would have beaten me (college combine Gilbert Brown, not today’s Gilbert Brown. He’s a fatty.).
He set records for career rushing yards (3,140) and touchdowns (34) at the University at Buffalo, despite missing his entire senior season with a shoulder injury.
Cue the scratchy record sound.
He missed his entire senior season? Uh, Justin Harrell? We have a problem.
And while 3,000 yards is a really big number, it doesn’t seem so big when you start comparing it to other career or even season numbers from the NCAA. At schools and in conferences where games are actually televised and they have the budgets to turn the lights on and play games at night, anyway.
I visited the University AT Buffalo website, and on the athletics main page, you know what I saw? I loop of four scrolling images pimping four different sports stories from the school: two soccer stories, a women’s basketball story and a women’s tennis story. Number of football stories? Cornhole. That’s how big the football program is at U at B.
Drilling down a bit more, I see the Buffalo Bulls football team brings platters to every game, so they have something to hold their assess with when their assess get handed to them. And to answer your next question, yes, the platters are silver. This is a classy school, Holmes.
And he’s had a hammie since May. As in five months. I’m pretty sure a new hamstring made from stem cells the delicious cinnaminny crust of a honey baked ham could have been fabricated by now. Reggie Bush broke his friggin leg in the second week of the season and is ready to come back next week.
Clearly, durability and “plays through pain and/or injury” are not on Starks’ resumé.
So let’s recap.
- He runs a 4.5 forty. Brett Favre was only a tenth of a second slower out of college.
- He hasn’t played in a meaningful game since 2008.
- His most meaningful games were played in the Mid American Conference, against powerhouses like the Eastern Michigan Eagles, the Akron Zips and the Western Michigan Broncos.
- His injuries tend to last forever, and he gets a lot of them.
- He tallied good numbers in college when he wasn’t hurt, but he was mostly running amongst crippled gringos named Timmay. In the MAC.
So. Gringo Royale? My totally unqualified assessment of that fine young man named James Starks?
He’s like Tera Patrick. Very busty.
Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, James Starks, Run Like the Wind from a Dutch Oven, Milking His Hamstring
Crippled Gringos named Timmy?
JP, somehow you know my real name…. hmmmmm.
But regardless, thanks for the break down. I do appreciate it.
Your name is Timmay?
That’s wild.
Did you see something in this guy that you liked?
I didn’t see any video of his collegiate games, but on paper he seems like the guy you vote off first on Survivor.
James starks is a beast and no matter what conference he played in, everyone should give him credit for doing the things he did at U.B. I mean, ben rothlisburger played in the mac and it seems like no oe ever said something about that.
Why should he get credit for what he did in college? Nobody else does.
And yeah, Roethlisberger AND Greg Jennings - both from MAC schools. And they both were so heroic coming back from hamstring pulls after 6 grueling months of rehab.
Oh that’s right. They both played their rookie seasons. And Ben’s rookie year was pretty impressive, if I remember correctly.
Short of someone having their hamstring pulled clean from their body and fed to vultures, nobody’s been out this long for a hammy. My hypothesis? He actually has a strained vulva.
If college experience meant something in the pros, Matt Leinart would be MVP.
JP do you know what Favre thinks of Green Bay and the Packers?
SOunds like a dumb question but I’m curious.
Does he hate them? Has he said anything recently that would indicate this?
I’m torn - life long green bay fan and I love Favre. But, I’ve heard that Favre, behind closed doors, doesn’t like GB or the Pack.
Do you know if he is going to retire a Packer? Or is that bridge closed?
It’s crazy to think - a state, a town, a people who loved him so much and he screws them over by going to their number one division rival. I wasn’t mad at Favre when he went to the Jets. But going to the Vikings is a big difference.
Also I know hope that Peyton Manning breaks each and everyone one of that diva’s stats. Excluding most fumbles, most sacks, most interceptions and most interceptions ran back for TDs. Favre can keep those.
Good question, and one I don’t think we could ever get an answer to.
Favre has shown himself to be selfish and petty and grudge-holdy, willing to spend an entire season in NY so he could orchestrate the ultimate FU to Ted Thompson and the Packer faithful.
I think he just doesn’t like anyone who doesn’t love him. Which means he doesn’t like me. And you know? I can live with that.
In 5 years Favre will want to be remembered as a Packer. I’m sure he’ll go into the HOF as a Packer.
Now if he wouldn’t? Wow. That would be pretty bold of the guy.
Just know this. Regardless of how last season went for the Vikes they did not bring Favre in to pad his stats and help the Vikings get just this close to lose it. They brought him in to bring them to the Super Bowl and to win it. Anything less is a failure.
I wouldn’t be stunned if Favre gave the Pack the big FU and retired as a Vike.
So let me get this straight, you think it took 5 months for his hammy to heal? No, dipshit, it took the normal amount of time. The only reason they put him on the PUP was because he had missed training camp and they didn’t want to risk losing him if they cut him. He’s had TWO injuries, and really only one serious injury. Don’t make it out like he’s just been in the training room his whole life.
Comparing him to Harrell because he had an injury in college is stupid. He’s a 6th round pick! You know who else had a major injury in college? Adrian Fucking Peterson!
Edgar Bennett has raved about the kid. The only thing that will keep him off the field is his blitz pick-up ability. He’s a hard runner and has great hands, so once they trust him to pick up blitzers, he’ll be a stud.
And don’t give me this shit about “bad competition.” He also had BAD FUCKING BLOCKING. You know who else played for schools in non-BCS conferences on the team? Greg Jennings, Tramon Williams, James Jones, Donald Driver, Josh Sitton, Cullen Jenkins, and Nick Collins. They have all done pretty damn well.
Oh, and he ran a 4.5, but Ryan Grant ran a 4.56, and he’s been fine despite hands made of stone. So basically, we’ve got a guy who could be a quicker version of Ryan Grant with better hands. I’ll take that any day.
Oh, and don’t bother responding to this. There is no chance in hell I ever return to a blog this fucking bad. I googled “James Starks 40 yard dash” and your piece of shit popped up. Do yourself a favor and quit writing. You are awful at it.
Have a nice day!
Bwaahahahaha!
I live for comments like these.
The thing that impressed me about your comment is how you typed it all with one hand (obviously, the other was occupied jerking off to 40 yard dash videos).
So, he’s the next Adrian Peterson, huh? Because Peterson had an injury in college these two are twins separated at birth?
He had bad blocking in college? Are you pulling that nugget from your vast knowledge of collegiate football, or are you just regurgitating what someone else said one time? I have to admit, I’m feeling a little like Good Will Hunting and you’re the punkass, long-haired hippie who thinks he has all the answers. Only in the movie I think that guy had the stones to leave his name.
I’m not a fan of Grant, so the comparison there doesn’t really help your claim. And I already covered the Greg Jennings/small school thing. Can you find where I did? It’s a big secret and I’m not sure you have the grey matter to solve that riddle, but give it a whirl.
You know what I think? You secretly have a crush on me. Why else would you spend all this time writing six paragraphs worth of commentary on a blog this bad unless you were feeling a little man crush?
Sorry, pumpkin. I likes the chicks. And I’m taken.
Oh - you’ll identify yourself in your next comment. Or I’ll do it for you.
Now You Talk
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