Data nerdA caller on WDUZ, during the Havel and Harry show (Fan Line? Unless they have breasts, I’m terrible about remembering names.) brought up a great point about clock management. And how coach McCarthy doesn’t haz it.

The caller pointed out how with two minutes left in the half and the Falcons on the Packer 26, the Packers had all their timeouts left and didn’t use a one.

There wasn’t question as to whether the Falcons would have time to see the drive to it’s completion, whether that be a stop by the Packer defense, a touchdown or a field goal. Whatever it was gonna be, it was gonna happen soon.

So? Burn the damn timeouts, Mike. They aren’t like cellphone rollover timeouts that are good for the next half or the next game, and spending them would have given the Packers time to do more than a kneel-down. By my estimation, burning those timeouts, maybe even burning one just before the 2-minute warning, would have given the Packers at least another 60 seconds to work with. Enough to get into field goal range.

And then there’s the challenges. His challenges are sometimes good. Too many times they’ve been awful. Not being happy with a call is not enough reason to challenge. Even if “Goose” gives you hugs and kisses on every challenge.*

McCarthy challenge flag

What we need? A data nerd. Someone who has the “When to Go For Two” tables memorized up to 100. Someone who does time management drills with flash cards every night. Someone who knows enough about football but has no vested interest in the Packers, or can be completely objective and unbiased, so he doesn’t advise a challenge because goddammit he’s pissed off. This person should be sitting above the field of play, possibly in a coach’s box or luxury suite, with the stadium and network feeds piped into giant LCD TVs.

This person should have a direct, Bat-Phone style hotline to McCarthy. Or better, be able to bypass McCarthy on timeout and challenge decisions.

Packers are hiring. Or they should be.This person should naturally be a genius. This person should have an attractive woman in a short skirt delivering Coke Zero Cherry, Cheetos and Reese’s PB Cups to his luxury suite during the game.

This person should be in his early 40’s. Just because that seems like a good age. Mature, yet still spry. Old enough to know how to do things and still young enough to do them.

Turns out I know a guy like that. Me.

*Goes to fill out Monster.com resume for Packer Data Nerd job*

In all seriousness, Mr. Thompson and Mr. Murphy:

Consider having a quality control guy whose only job is the minutia, the details that seem unimportant Monday through Saturday, but become 1,000 pound, pissed off gorillas on Sunday. Gorillas that end up costing the Packers field position, possession of the ball, points and ultimately, wins. Fucking gorillas have no place in football.

UPDATE: I was listening to WDUZ The Fan tonight on the way back from a business trip, and do you know what they were talking about? The Packers’ need for a data nerd. Thanks for reading, peeps.

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*Pic courtesy of Corey Wilson