Chris Webber is Giggling
Posted in Any Given Sunday
Edmund Burke said “Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it.”
But really. Would you listen to anything that came from the mouth of a panty waste like this guy? Especially if you were a steely head coach of a team playing the toughest sport in the world?
Of course not.
Which is why, once again, special teams and clock management hurt the Packers in their loss to the 2011 Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots.
But really, there were lots of bright spots, and Packer faithful, I want you to consider this one thing: the Packers have lost to the very best the NFC AND AFC have to offer right now by a grand total of seven points (Atlanta, which sits atop the NFC at 12-2, and New England, perched over the AFC, also at 12-2). And last night, they did it without their starting quarterback on the field.
Admit it, before the final minute of the game, you thought Flynn’s game last night was above where you expected it to be. His decision making wasn’t as crisp and on script as a veteran QB, but you have to cop to it - he played really well. Short of that last minute, he didn’t seem to ever get rattled.
BJ Raji. Well, I was hoping to draw some kind of parallel between BJ and Mr. Bojangles, but it turns out Bojangles wasn’t a boxer or wrestler or even a brick layer. He was a dancer. And BJ might be a lover but he ain’t no dancer.
James Jones continues do himself a solid by catching and then hanging onto footballs and running places with those footballs.
And a little bit of props to coach McCarthy for the onside kick at the opener. Good thing I wasn’t having sex right then because I’m pretty sure the pig squeal I let out would have sent the wrong message to the lovely lady who’s ass I would have been slapping.
I want to heap praise on the defense for keeping the game close, but they gave up 30+, which is something they NEVER do. Granted, it was against what some are calling the best offense in the NFL right now. And they did apply some pressure to Brady. Ok, ok. Slack given.
I was beginning to think the nickname “Matty Ice” was going to need to be shared among two QB’s in the NFL, but the Matty Ice near Bahston last night became Matty Melt in the final few seconds of the game.
Which brings me to today’s history lesson.
Last night an offensive lineman had a 71 yard kick return. During the return I heard words like “..and he makes one tackler miss!” and “…he cuts back and has open field in front of him!” When an offensive lineman fields a kickoff? I should never, EVER hear those words. The Packers’ ability to cover kicks and punts is historical in it’s badness.
The Packers still have their 4th highest paid player playing Russian Roulette with his ACLs and MCLs, returning kicks. Take Tramon off the field for returns. A running back’s estimated lifespan in the NFL is about 3 years. A kick returner’s is about 3 months.
Coach McCarthy? Please learn from this. And find someone who knows how to coach special teams.
Also, Coach McTime Management, when the game was on the line and you were in the clutch, you burned out another skid plate. Maybe Flynn doesn’t really have his two minute offense down, and should have known what the next play was gonna be. He certainly should have known he was out of time outs. Maybe he should have taken a lesson from Terrell Owens and Sarah Palin and stuff a sharpie in his sock so he could keep track of how many timeouts he had left.
But a wily and wise coach would have recognized that his first-time starting QB might get a little flustered in the final seconds, and sent in TWO plays. One for now and one to run right afterward. Instead it looked very much like Flynn, after trying to pull a Chris Webber, not having a play at the ready or not being able to hear it in his helmet, just yelled “Fuck it! Same play, guys! Ready, HUTT!”
Well at least the Patriot cheerleaders were warming up the place dressed as Santa’s little helpers.
I think moral victories are for the guys who leave the bar to make a stop at the drug store for some hand lotion on the way to an empty apartment.
But the Packers were missing some key guys, including Nick Collins for most of the night. And this was the very best the NFL has to offer in an opponent. The loss makes the Packer playoff hopes something only advanced mathematicians can understand, but you know? Given the injuries and the holes coach McChallenge keeps shooting through Packer feet, this has been a pretty entertaining season.
Now please excuse me. There’s a sale on Jergens at Wal Mart.
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I’m pretty sure the Packers are gonna lose today.
