My Official Green Bay Packer Blog

There can be no argument.  When Michael Turner runs, he hauls ass.

I’ve been listening to the local sports talk rehash the game so I know what opinion to have today while I write this post.  Well, sort of.  I heard lots of discussion about the Packers failing at fundamentals like tackling.

Seriously? Michael Turner is 5′10″, 244 pounds. There isn’t a single Packer defender that packs that much weight into that small a frame.*  Tackling Turner would be like tackling a 250 pound bowling ball that has knees and elbows. So Turner, who could have been a Packer for the same personal appearance fees Ryan Grant is charging, rolled downhill for a buck ten yesterday.

Did the Falcons punt at all yesterday? I wouldn’t have, the way they owned the line of scrimmage like a Rottweiler owns the whole area between where the swirly metal thing that sticks in the ground holding one end of the chain is and the other that strains against his neck.

Does Aaron Rodgers not <3 Donald Driver anymore?  James Jones has been making more catches than Driver lately, which makes me think I’m in Bizarro Packerland.

Do you think the Packers special teams take short buses behind the big, regular team buses on the way to the games? 15 yard facemask with so little time left and field position at a premium?

Why didn’t Crosby put that kickoff through the uprights with no chance for a runback?

Who in the effing eff is teaching Shields to return kicks? You can’t shake your shoulders like you’re on stage at Beansnappers with a pair of D cups hanging off your chest, trying to make this month’s rent money.**  You catch the ball and then take off like you were shot from a cannon.  Shuckin’ and jivin’ only works on the dance floor. (Or does that only work for me?)

Atlanta must’ve followed the Detroit Lions’ playbook on handling the Packers’ rush - watch the Packer DBs play soft, and lob little dumpers for 5-15 yards a pop on quick, 3-step drops. Because the Packers DBs did play soft - there seemed to always be 5-8 yards of open real estate between the line of scrimmage and the first DB available to make a play. (Then again, maybe the DBs were hiding from Turner. I would.)

And Brandon Jackson. 10 touches. 26 yards. That just will not do, young man. Did I mention the Packers could have had Turner for the same price as Grant, right around the time they signed Grant? Rodgers on the scramble is exciting to watch, but that should be taken like tequila and tall blondes with tattoos: in moderation.  Too much of that and you end up in traction. Or at least at the doctor’s office.

I think it was Aquinas that said this looked like other games, where the Packers just couldn’t close it out. Like they’re in their own heads, not believing.

* Seriously. I checked.

** By the way, uh, ladies? How about a VIP day for me? Email me?

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Turner Dumps Like a Truck, Haulin Ass, Brandon Jackson a No-Show, Atlanta Falcons, Dogs on a Leash, Blondes on a Leash

It’s really simple.

1) Apply foot to Vikings’ throat.

2) Press the fuck down. Do not let them up until they’re lifeless.

Conversely, here are the two steps to making JPFootball an alcoholic:

1) Apply foot to opponent’s throat.

2) Remove foot from opponent’s throat, allowing them back in the fight.

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Football-related Asphyxia

It’s one thing to have your favorite team knock the opposing team’s player out of the game for a week or seven with a concussion (Sorry there, Mr. Cobb. Kolb. Whatever.). It’s quite another to deliver a beat down so severe the coach’s employment doesn’t survive the 24 hours that follow the loss.

But I’m not a gusher. (Unless you happen to… uh, nevermind. Just, no.) I’m also not the type to piss on a win. Unless I really hafta go.

And this was a drubbing, let there be no doubt.

But let there also be no doubt that the Cowboys, much like the Lions of coaches past, were looking for a reason to lay down. And the Packers gave them that reason early. Sure, they dismantled another NFL team, in every phase of the game, and for that they should be commended. But my points of interest have nothing to do with how awesomely awesome it was to smother the Cowboys.

Like what, you might ask? How about this:

James Jones, greasy-handed motherfather he is, put a ball on the ground early, but ended up having a big game. I like James, so the good stat line made me happy for him, but sweet Maria mother of Hay Suess, if he fumbles another ball, I’m sending him a bottle of super glue. I’m serious.

Brandon Jackson is beginning to run with confidence. I think he always was a hard runner, but there seemed to be a little extra pop from him on first and second contact.

There need to be more Tramon Williams jerseys in the stands and on the backs of fans statewide.

Mitch Albom and I agree: Aaron Rodgers is a player that has greatness waiting for him. He’s not there yet. But he probably will be at some point.

Charles Woodson is magnanimous. Nothing said that more than how gracious he was talking to whatshername after the game, with Clay Matthews. I feel Gruden-style man-love for this guy.

Greg Jennings must’ve lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy delivered new hands under his pillow.

I’m glad Quarrless is injured. Harsh? Probably. But there it is, harsh or not. He’s got the yips worse than a litter of puppies. But he’s kinda big, so make that horse puppies.

I’ll have more to say as the week progresses, including some breakdowns of individual players. Seacrest out.

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers