Is it me, or did this ad used to tout Brett Favre’s IQ as 123? Some people have said he has shit for brains, and since he had some of his colon removed, maybe he lost some IQ points in the surgery. Sad story, really.
Technorati Tags: Brett Favre, Shit for Brains, IQ
There’s about two weeks before draft day and I couldn’t be less excited. My email inbox is getting peppered with requests to look over this or that guy’s mock draft, and the local and national radio talk is either all about the start of baseball season, the Final Four (now over) or the draft.
But I was listening to Erika Silly-yes (dude, you have to learn to enunciate) on ESPN radio, talking to the Lions’ new GM Whatshisname, who said that only half of those players picked in the first round ever have a sustained career in the NFL, let alone achieve Pro Bowl status. (*thumb-thumb-thumb - looks up in encyclopedia, finds picture*) Sure enough, he’s right.
And the odds that a pick will dramatically improve a team’s fortune when that pick falls into the later rounds drops precipitously. So why bother investing a whole lot of time and emotion on something that likely won’t make a huge impact? Remember pick #5 overall in 2006? Remember how excited everyone was? Remember how you felt in 2008, wondering why AJ Hawk looked more like Rudy Ruettiger than Brian Urlacher when standing next to his teammates on the field, and wondering if he’d been fitted with one of those metal halos you get after a head injury, because it seemed like the bones in his head, neck and shoulders were fused?
So when people are getting all up in my email and radio, excited about the draft and who’s going to be picked and by which team, it seems crazy to me. Like the kind of crazy you’d need to be to look excited about going to a penis-cutting-off party. Pretty effing crazy, right? Unless you’re an ex-girlfriend of mine. Then you’d probably be writing out the invitations by hand. In calligraphy.
We’ll pick who we pick, and because it’s Ted Thompson pulling the trigger on selections, we’ll get a million-dollar man for only $983,000, we’ll botch a few selections and we’ll end up 10-6 in 2009.
But we’ll be without our penises, which makes me a little sad. Wait, I mean extra large sad.
Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, NFL draft, 2009, Dude - Where’s My Penis?
I was listening.
When new Defensive Combover Dom Capers was being interviewed by Rookie* and the crew at WDUZ The Fan, I remember when they asked Capers if Ryan Pickett had it in him to play nose guard in the new 3-4 defense Capers was allegedly installing.** If I recall, Capers bellowed a resounding “Uh, we’ll see.” Sports dork chatter after the interview seemed to agree that Pickett may not have the kind of hunger needed for the job, which I think is ludicrous, because I’ve seen him leaving the local Fleet Farm with bagged, bulk feed, napkins and a fork. Dude is always hungry.
But I kept listening, long after that interview, and when I heard Albert Haynesworth was on the free agent market and looking for a high bidder, I compared his Fathead to Pickett’s. Turns out Haynesworth is hungrier. He’s four inches taller but weighs ten pounds less than the reported weight of Pickett. That’s gotta be 5″ narrower on a Fathead; Haynesworth’s gotta be starving.
I know he’d cost a pretty penny, he subscribes to the Randy Moss school of effort, and I know that Ted Thompson’s been socking away salary cap money like he gets to kee….
Oh. Looks like Longfellow Deeds Daniel Snyder has already swiped him up.
Ok, well I guess there goes that.
In other news, the Packers made qualifying offers to five members of it’s 2008 roster, a list that includes Atari Bigby, Jarrett Bush, Jason Hunter, John Kuhn and Ruvell Martin. Tramon Williams also got a qualifying offer from the Packers, but because Williams is an exclusive-rights free agent (meaning he really isn’t a free agent), Williams either must sign on for the deal offered or not play at all in ‘09. Decisions, decisions.
Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Now Hiring: Nose Guard, Albert Haynesworth, Washington Redskins
* Rookie - I know you broadcast in a small market and therefore the things you do and say may not carry quite the weight and sports importance that they would if you were in, say, Chicago, but can you please still adhere to the basic tenets of speaking on the radio? No eating sloppy joes when on-air, please?
** Coach McCarthy’s been promoting smash-mouth since he got here. Either coach just enjoys the bouncy lyrics to pop hits like All Star, or he doesn’t know that “smash-mouth” means ground game. So I’ll believe that 3-4 is coming when I see it lined up in September.
