My Official Green Bay Packers blog

To: Mr. Brett Favre
1265 Lombardi Ave.
Green Bay, WI 54304

From: Your friends at  Credibility Bank

Dear Mr. Favre,

We regret to inform you that your account with Credibility Bank has been overdrawn.  As is our policy in all overdraft situations, your account is heretofore been closed.

It is not, however, our policy to review how an account came to be overdrawn and subsequently closed.  But because you held such a large account with us, we felt like we owed you at least a transcription of the deposits and withdrawals on your account, that you might use this information to your advantage, should you try to open an account with another of our branches in another city.

First, we’ll cover the deposits.  When you first opened your account back in 1992, we had to waive the minimum account balance just to get your business.  You were a punky kid pulled off the scrap heap in Atlanta who knew less about the X’s and O’s of football than Pepper Burris, the Packers’ trainer.  But with each successive year your account grew, and in 1995 you helped lift the team to the NFC Championship.  We thanked you for the big deposit made that day.

And in 1996 we thought you’d won the lottery, beating the New England Patriots in the Superbowl.  At that point you could have lived off of the interest paid to you by Credibility, much like Bart Starr has been doing for decades.

After the following year’s Superbowl loss, we noticed that deposits weren’t as frequent, and not as large.  When you went public about Javon Walker’s holdout, you spent some of the fund in your Credibility account.  But with two Superbowl trips and one victory, you had Credibility funds to spare.  With each passing year the questions loomed larger about whether you would retire.  We’re not sure if you liked the attention, or you really struggled with making a decision that would only affect the next 12 months of your life.  Whatever the case, in 2005 you began a steady pattern of withdrawals from Credibility, dragging out your decision process deeper into the calendar with each successive year.

Now in 2008, we weren’t sure if you’d gotten involved with high stakes gambling or possibly got mixed up with some high dollar hotties, but your Credibility account dropped precipitously.  Family sources started leaking that you were going to retire, a claim that you promptly denied.  But you retired shortly thereafter.  When you did hold the press conference you simply didn’t have anymore to give to football.  But within a few weeks you were throwing heaters to high school receivers.  And calling around to see if anyone still loved you wanted you to play.  You thought you might want to come back.

At Credibility Bank we probably deserve some of the blame, because we saw how fast your account balance was dropping, yet we did nothing.  We could have warned you of how poorly you were managing your Credibility funds, and how to start putting funds back into your Credibility account.  But we didn’t.

At this point, your account was in a free fall.  You had frequent contact with a rival bank, inquiring about a transfer of funds.  You went on national television to tell your side of things, which only resulted in an even lower Credibility balance.  Did you really think the Packers would wait until training camp for your decision?  What should they have done in the meantime, when the Packers didn’t know if they should be opening a new account for a new customer?

So when you say that the differences between you and the Packers are irreconcilable, please be aware that Credibility will have no further dealings with you.  Your checks written on Credibility accounts will all bounce.

When things were good we did appreciate your business, but now we’d just prefer that you take your business to the bank in the next town.

Signed,

Your friends at Credibility Bank

Technorati Tags: Brett Favre, Overdrawn

There was a minor story that was released today that seems to be flying under the radar of every major new outlet, but I think it’s an important one that may in fact connect some of the dots in the Favre situation.  Let me lay out some hypothetical phonecalls between the principles in this epic.

August 1, 2008 - Ted Thompson calls Minnesota Vikings GM Rick Spielman

Ted: Hey, Rickster.  How’s it going in Minnesota?  How’s Tarvaris Jackson been in camp so far?

Rick:  Meh.  He kinda looks like Martin Lawrence, doesn’t he?  He’s nowhere near as funny, though.  Sure doesn’t play like Brett Favre.

Ted:  Hey, I’m glad you brought that up.  You know Brett sent in his reinstatement papers, right?  We’re expecting him to be in camp sometime this weekend.

Rick:  Oh?  He’s sure got you guys in a tight spot.  You know we’d love to have him play for us.  But we’ve got a problem:  you filed those tampering charges against us with the NFL.  We’d love to give you a high draft pick for Favre, but if Goodell comes down with penalties against us for the 37 “totally platonic” phonecalls we had with him, we may end up paying with 3 or 4 draft picks, which is a much higher price than we’d be willing to pay.

Ted:  Hmm.  That’s true.  I remember that Goodell smacked the 49ers with tampering charges in March when they were talking to the Bears’ Lance Briggs.  They ended up losing their fifth round pick and had to switch third round picks with the Bears.

Rick:  Right.  How ’bout you call Roger Goodell and ask that he find that there was no tampering.  Do that and we might be able to make a deal for Favre.

Ted:  Lemme call Roger.

*********************

Ted:  Hello, Mr. Goodell?

Roger:  Hey, Ted.  You have that friggin’ Favre situation squared away yet?

Ted:  We’re getting close.  Hey, I have a favor to ask.  Minnesota is interested in Favre, but they’re worried you’ll hit them with some heavy penalties for tampering, in which case a Favre trade would be less favorable for them.  Can you look at the evidence, kinda like you did for the Patriots spygate thing, burn the evidence, and then find that there was no tampering?  It’d really help.

Roger:  That’d make my job a lot easier.  And if it helps put this thing to bed, I’ll do it.

********************

August 4, 2008 - Roger Goodell finds there was no tampering with the Vikings and Favre.

Ted:  Hello, Rick?  I’m here with Mike McCarthy on a conference call.  You probably saw it - Goodell wiped the slate clean on the tampering thing.  But we’re still in a tight spot.  Favre showed up for our family night and the fans are going bonkers.  Things are too hot to trade him right now.  Can we wait a couple days?

Rick:  Sure.  Hey, Mike.  How’d things go with that meeting last night?

Mike:  Favre was as skittish as a tweaker without his meth, so it took five hours to talk with him about how things are going to be.  We haven’t been letting him look at the playbook, obviously, because we don’t want to tip our hands if he ends up playing for you.  We have a practice scheduled for today at 2pm, and we aren’t going to have Brett participate in that practice.  Can we get this deal done in the next 24-48 hours?

Rick:  I think so.  Lemme check with our owner, Zygi Wilf.  But I think we can get this thing in a day or so.

Ted:  Great.  We can have him on a bus as soon as you need him.

So when you hear about this blockbuster deal folks, remember that you read about it first right here, on this tiny little no-access Packer blog.

Technorati Tags: Brett Favre, Green Bacy Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Brad Childress, Mike McCarthy, Ted Thompson, Rick Spielman, Tampering, The Plot Thickens

So I’m watching television tonight (I love me some Intervention - nothing makes me feel like my life rocks more than watching someone huffing Rustoleum until they’re blue in the face. Seriously. Face was all blue. From the paint. See? Your life rocks too, doesn’t it?), and there’s another commercial for a cellphone company - T-Mobile. Their latest ad campaign is of people saying “hello” when normally they’d say “goodbye.” A cute girlfriend tearfully says hello as her boyfriend climbs into his car and drives away. The kids say hello to dad as he leaves for work. A quarterback says that after 17 years in the NFL, it’s time to say hello. (Cue the needle scratching a record)

I guess if you learn what’s right and wrong on dirt streets in Mississippi, you probably shouldn’t be expected to know what a slap in the face this is. Favre jerks around his team and the Packer fan base, spiraling year after year into indecision about whether he’s going to return, then he retires, unretires, retires again, then kinda unretires, then finally gets on a chartered jet to come up for training camp. Like a snake on a plane. Where’s Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?

All jokes aside - this was in very poor taste, Brett. You pulled a months-long diva act, holding the Packers and your fans for ransom for months (and seasons), and now you’re making money from your period of indecision, all while poking fun at us by appearing in this commercial. I am embarrassed. Embarrassed to think I was a fan of yours. Embarrassed to know that you’ll be welcomed back into the fold. Did you ask OJ Simpson about how to go about cashing in on your public misdeeds? ‘Cause that’s how this thing feels to me.

For a guy who’s not about the money, it sure looks like you’re willing to burn just about anyone to get a little more of it. How you don’t walk away from this commercial offer given the things you know the fans in Wisconsin have been saying about all of this is something I don’t think I could understand. Maybe if I had $50M in cash and assets and had surrounded me with all lovers of Me, it’d be hilarious. But I’m closer to $50K in assets, so this reads like a Leona Helmsley bio to me.

Pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpb.  Ptui!

Ok, I got some of that out of my system. My dad always taught me that if I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem. And I want to help get this problem solved. What can I say? I’m a giver. And I have a possible solution. By doing this Brett will provide some much-needed goodwill to the local fans. Here’s the plan: cop to making a media rookie move and make a written pledge to donate the money you made from the T-Mobile campaign to some local charity. As in Wisconsin charity. Pretty simple, right? And since he’s going to make $13M just from the Packers this year, it’s a safe bet that he can afford it. Who knows how much he’ll make from Wrangler, Prilosec, Bergstrom Automotive, Remington, Snapper Mowers and Mastercard, but I think Brett could prahhhhbably afford to miss out on the T-Mobile booty.

So what do you say, Brett? Are you on board with this, or do I need to superimpose your face on a pretty little sun dress to do my version of poking fun at your indecision, then send it to the Big O for a media blitz?

Technorati Tags: Brett Favre, T-Mobile, What’s That Bad Tastes in My Mouth, Oh, It’s Ass, Green Bay Packers