My Official Green Bay Packers blog

We weren’t sure if Naked Man would ever be caught by authorities; terrorizing fast food joints of Metro Detroit and the fine cities of the NFL in his white SUV with brown racing stripes, it seemed he was untouchable. 

And in a sense, he was.

But the long arm of the law finally reached out and grabbed Cullen’s hiney, suspending him for 1 game and fining him $20,000.  Cullen’s claim of having a bib on in the car and having washed everywhere before getting behind the wheel didn’t appear to affect NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who told the press: “The $20,000 collected from Mr. Cullen will be used to fight this affliction nationwide.  Moomoos and Zubaz will be distributed by the truckload to naked fat men across this country in an attempt to end this frightening trend of nude fat men turning up in public places.”

God speed, Mr. Goodell.

This was a follow up to my original entry here.

Technorati Tags: Detroit Lions, Joe Cullen, NFL, Zubaz

Even thinking about the 2006 NFL wildcard playoff spots and the Green Bay Packers together has the sounds of Jim Mora Sr. running through my head.

Playoffs?

Like my previous post, mathematically they’re still in the wildcard playoff hunt, but I know in my calculations I left a big remainder lying around here somewhere. I don’t have the time I’d need to run the possibilities, other than to say that the Packers need to run the table and get help from the eight other teams vying for the 2 wildcard spots open in the NFC.

And unlike your high school days, where with a doughnut and a smile you might be able to sweet-talk the overweight teacher’s aide into giving you the answer’s to the test, this math test is closed-book. NOT multiple choice. Show all your work.

We’re toast.

Technorati Tags: 2006 NFL Playoff Picture, Green Bay Packers, More Remedial Math

You know how the old story goes.

You’ve got these ho’s, right? And there’s this one that just doesn’t generate the cash like the rest. “I don’t like to swallow” or “I’m not letting him put that in there!” Whatever the excuses, she’s bringing down the team. So you cut her loose.

Then some other pimp picks her up off the street. He buys her a new dress, makes her boobs bigger, gives her a copy of the Kama Sutra, then sends her back to the same corner she used to work for you. Your corner.

Only now, she feels vital and sexy. A cat that’s gonna purr. Those icky things you wanted her to do don’t seem so icky anymore. And she starts making money. Lots of money. On your effin corner.
You know that old story, right?

No?

Well a different version of that same story was played out on Thanskgiving day in the Motor City when the Detroit Lions faced the Miami Dolphins for The Pride Bowl. Joey Harrington returned to face the team that turned him out after last season, doing what I thought would be impossible if the Lions had any pride left in them.

As it turns out, pride has been outsourced to lower cost foriegn manufacturers, too.

The Lions had an early lead then watched it vanish like sardine snacks at Sea World as Joey Harrington stood up and led the Dolphins to 27 unanswered points and a victory against a now-reeling Lions team.

Henry Clay Ford has always been a softie when it comes to winning. “Just Try Your Best, That’s All Anyone Can Ask of You” is stitched on the inside of every jock in the Lions lockerroom.*

Somebody has to pay. Last year it was Steve Mariucci. This year? It’s gotta be the unpolished, overgrown adolescent pulling the strings on the operation. You can’t go around calling people faggots (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay), preaching accountability (then letting Naked Fast Food Man keep his job), or the big, hairy enchilada: going 23-68.  As long as Millen is calling the shots, the Lions are shooting blanks.
* Not actual fact.

Technorati Tags: National Football League, Matt Millen, Detroit Lions, Flaccidity