My Official Green Bay Packers blog

Even thinking about the 2006 NFL wildcard playoff spots and the Green Bay Packers together has the sounds of Jim Mora Sr. running through my head.

Playoffs?

Like my previous post, mathematically they’re still in the wildcard playoff hunt, but I know in my calculations I left a big remainder lying around here somewhere. I don’t have the time I’d need to run the possibilities, other than to say that the Packers need to run the table and get help from the eight other teams vying for the 2 wildcard spots open in the NFC.

And unlike your high school days, where with a doughnut and a smile you might be able to sweet-talk the overweight teacher’s aide into giving you the answer’s to the test, this math test is closed-book. NOT multiple choice. Show all your work.

We’re toast.

Technorati Tags: 2006 NFL Playoff Picture, Green Bay Packers, More Remedial Math

You know how the old story goes.

You’ve got these ho’s, right? And there’s this one that just doesn’t generate the cash like the rest. “I don’t like to swallow” or “I’m not letting him put that in there!” Whatever the excuses, she’s bringing down the team. So you cut her loose.

Then some other pimp picks her up off the street. He buys her a new dress, makes her boobs bigger, gives her a copy of the Kama Sutra, then sends her back to the same corner she used to work for you. Your corner.

Only now, she feels vital and sexy. A cat that’s gonna purr. Those icky things you wanted her to do don’t seem so icky anymore. And she starts making money. Lots of money. On your effin corner.
You know that old story, right?

No?

Well a different version of that same story was played out on Thanskgiving day in the Motor City when the Detroit Lions faced the Miami Dolphins for The Pride Bowl. Joey Harrington returned to face the team that turned him out after last season, doing what I thought would be impossible if the Lions had any pride left in them.

As it turns out, pride has been outsourced to lower cost foriegn manufacturers, too.

The Lions had an early lead then watched it vanish like sardine snacks at Sea World as Joey Harrington stood up and led the Dolphins to 27 unanswered points and a victory against a now-reeling Lions team.

Henry Clay Ford has always been a softie when it comes to winning. “Just Try Your Best, That’s All Anyone Can Ask of You” is stitched on the inside of every jock in the Lions lockerroom.*

Somebody has to pay. Last year it was Steve Mariucci. This year? It’s gotta be the unpolished, overgrown adolescent pulling the strings on the operation. You can’t go around calling people faggots (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay), preaching accountability (then letting Naked Fast Food Man keep his job), or the big, hairy enchilada: going 23-68.  As long as Millen is calling the shots, the Lions are shooting blanks.
* Not actual fact.

Technorati Tags: National Football League, Matt Millen, Detroit Lions, Flaccidity

Or so say the flailing Minnesota Vikings.

Eah, wait a sec. It’s not the whole team. Just two of the wide bodies that would be affected by it: Kevin and Pat Williams, who are both Defensive Tackles, both guys whose knees and ankles would shatter like a hammer to fine china if a cut block caught them the wrong way.

The Packers are learning this scheme and improving as the season plods along, and I believe there has only been one penalty called for a cut block against the Pack (last week against the Bills), so while the play is disliked by many in the NFL, it’s legal, many teams are doing it, and the Packers are employing it pretty cleanly.  So suck it up, Pat and Kevin.

The Vikings are following their predestined path this season, as they do every season, like Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day, forced to relive it season after season, until they figure out how to win the big games, or get the girl (all sex-in-stairwell jokes aside). Untill then, they will forever be destined to burst out of the gate at a full sprint, get winded at about the first turn, throw a shoe at the halfway point, and then limp to the finish line at 7-9, 8-8 or 9-7.

The Vikings are coming off a pasting at Home by the just-above-average New England Patriots, and last week’s loss to the NFC’s cornered dog we like to the San Francisco Forty-Niners. They can’t be feeling to good about themselves.

Then again, neither should the pack, outplaying the Buffalo Bills on every down throughout the game, except for those 4 or 5 plays I mentioned earlier this week, which pretty much handed the Bills the game on a cheese-covered platter.

So how will this play out? Should the Packers offensive line sharpen their elbows in clear view of the defensive line of the Vikings, ala Ty Cobb, sending shivers down the spines of the Williams girls boys, just to set the mood? Should our boys from Green Bay come out steaming mad at having been called cowards by a guy named Pat?

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Football, NFL, Minnesota Vikings, China Fibula