Kick Returns and Proctology
Posted in NFC North
A funny thing happened on my way to proving an earlier post right, that the Packers could have the best return game in the NFC North. I discovered that I was right, but also that the Lions are proctological exam awful.
So I went to NFL.com and ran the kick return numbers for the Packers, Vikings, Bears and Lions. I took the total number of yards for both kick and punt returns and divided it by total number of returns for an overall kick return average. The NFC’s best kick return team? The Detroit Lions.
Because I’m a fat, lazy American I’d farmed out the mathematics part of this post to a firm in India, but when I Paypalled them the $0.37 and got the results, I broke out my slide rule to double check. Sure enough, here’s the rankings:
1. Detroit Lions - 18.97 yards/return
2. Green Bay Packers - 17.98 (with two house calls, only the Saints have more in the NFC)
3. Chicago Bears - 16.5
4. Minnesota Vikings - 16.02
Here are some interesting facts about the breakout of these numbers:
The Packers, Vikings and Bears are all around 38 kick returns and 22 punt returns so far this season, but the Lions have had 48 kick returns with only 11 punt returns. What does that tell you? The Lions red zone defense is a giant, green, astro-turf welcome mat, for one. It also tells you that the Lions force the other team to punt about once per game.
It should not be a surprise that the Lions have the second worst defense in YPG in the NFL (406.1) ypg. Only Kansas City is worse (406.2 ypg). They’re also second to last in points allowed (277 so far).
So yeah, I was kinda wrong in that by these measures the Lions have the best return game in the NFC North. But since the Lions are the Lions, we’re not counting them. This yields the amended results below:
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Chicago Bears
3. Minnesota Vikings
Maybe Devin Hester’s been eating too many ho-hos since he got his big contract. Or doin’ too many ho-hos.
Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Will Blackmon, Best Return Game in NFC North, Santa’s Givin’ Out Ho’s





But I’ll give Captain Condom his props. Nearly 200 yards on 30 carries. And he’s always ready should the woman with the largest vagina in the world ever show up to watch him play. If we only knew how to tackle dudes who wear condoms on their heads.

