What You Already Know About Andre Rison

Andre Rison attended Michigan State University and set the school’s all-time-receptions mark with 146 (which was recently surpassed by Matt Trannon). He started his professional football career in Indianapolis in 1989, and after one season went to Atlanta, where he played five seasons, averaging 80+ catches per season, making the pro bowl in all but his final season with the “dirty birds”. It was in that final year (1994) that he also had his million-dollar Atlanta home burned to the ground by TLC hottie Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes in a fit of rage. (Some people believed the 1998 movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” borrowed from this real-life story when Angela Bassett’s character burned a spurned lover’s house to the ground. Andre Rison, former wide receiver for the Green Bay PackersOr maybe a car. I know she burned something.) That and other off-field activity saw ESPN’s Chris “The Comb-over” Berman nickname him Andre “Bad Moon” Rison.

How Stella Got Her Groove BackIn 1995 he played for the Cleveland Browns, then was picked up by the Jaguars in 1996. Partway through the season the Green Bay Packers snagged him to help make a Superbowl run. He was only in Titletown for 5 regular season games and the playoffs, but he made an impression. The town was turned upside-down, not knowing if they wanted someone with such a checkered past running around our pristine, milk-fed city. Turned out he was no trouble at all while he was here, and even showcased Ron Wolf’s ability to pick winners, as a Favre-to-Rison hookup in the first quarter of Superbowl XXXI put the Packers in the lead on their way to a big win in the Big Easy.

It was during this same season that I got the chance to meet Andre Rison. It was on a plane headed from Green Bay to Detroit; I passed him in first class on the way to my seat. In coach. And by “meet”, I mean I walked by, saw a ‘blinged black man stowing his luggage, realized who it was, tried to think of something cool to say, realized I’d sound like a dork no matter what I said, then just grinned stupidly and walked by.

What’s Happened Since Rison Left Green Bay

After the Superbowl XXXI victory, the Packers let Rison go, and he found himself a job in Kansas City, where he played the 1997,98 and 99 seasons for the Chiefs. In 2000 he went to the Raiders, where he played his final season of NFL football, snaring 41 balls and scoring 6 touchdowns. At the end of his NFL career, Rison totaled 743 catches for over 10,000 yards and 84 touchdowns.

He was also busted that year for writing $158,000 in bad checks. Like the bad mo-fos Rison and I are, I was also once busted for writing a bad check. It was 1988, I was in college and starving. So I kited a check for pizza. Totally worth it.

In ‘01, with his NFL days seemingly behind him, he reconnected with Left-Eye, and had plans for marriage (I know. WTF, right?). Tragically she was killed in a car accident in 2002 while vacationing in Honduras. At the time I believe they said she was carrying out a charity mission for young children there. Rison’s homeowner’s insurance premiums dropped 50% the next day. (Am I a prick for saying that?)

Andre Rison helps Argonauts to Grey Cup VictoryShortly after that a small hole appeared in the earth’s crust and swallowed Rison whole. It chewed on him for a couple years before it decided to spit him back out to join the rest of us, where he promptly signed with the Toronto Argonauts of the CFL in 2004. As with the Packers, he helped lift the team to a championship, giving the Argos a Grey Cup victory for the 2004 season. Rison played for Toronto again in 2005, but by the end of the season he was out of a job. It was also around this time that another judge decided that since Rison hadn’t paid the $127,000 in back child support he owed to Raycoa Handley (mother of his two sons), he’d should spend some time in the Big House playing a 30-day game of “Don’t get your shit pushed in.” When Rison got out, his bunghole intact, he cut the court a check for $10,000 and called it square.

In 2006 he was spotted at the Pro Bowl Legends game, a sandlot game for the oldtimers. According to Andre Rison’s own website:

If you had the pleasure to watch Andre (at the 2006 Legends game), you see why many people are saying he still has a few seasons left in him. Playing alongside Michael Irvin, Steve Young, John Elway, and Irving Fryar, Rison dazzled the crowd with his quick feet and sure hands while playing in an event during the 2006 Pro Bowl.

Ok, Andre. Two coats of gloss is plenty.

Flavor Flav and a drunk, D-List Bridgette NielsenRison still wants to play ball. He doesn’t expect to make it in the NFL anymore, he just wants to play ball. Arena, DePere JV, whatever. Unfortunately, in his quest for relevance he’s very close to crossing the Flavor Flav line into absurdity. About 13 months ago Rison was seen on Spike TV’s Pros VS Joes, playing with Kordell Stewart against the skinny white boy tandem from Deadspin. Even then the producers of the show warned the white boy tandem not to tackle Rison or Stewart, because they might hurt them, as they both were “trying to make comebacks”.

As if.

What’s more, in researching this article I discovered that tonight on TNA Wrestling, Rison will be smashing turnbuckles with “The Monster” Abyss. At this rate, Andre better call dibs on his room on the next Surreal Life.

This is starting to make me sad. You’ve done a lot of amazing things, Andre Rison. Ride off into the sunset as a guy who had a great NFL career and won a couple championships, your dignity and edgy reputation intact.

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