My Official Green Bay Packer Blog

The first two rounds of the armchair quarterback masturbation-fest that is the NFL Draft came and went, and all without me even getting my pants to my ankles.

The degree to which I pay attention to the draft? I didn’t even realize the draft wasn’t starting on the weekend this year.

Here’s the thing. Last time I tracked the draft, the very best of the mock drafters only guessed right a third of the time. For the first round. And of those drafted, only a fraction actually became anything other than a footnote on their team’s roster.

So I have a hard time getting, uh, hard, about the draft. Now, you show me a lanky blonde? I’m like a bum on a meat sammich. Mel Kiper just doesn’t get it for me.

But because I know that because I have this Packer blog, I have to at least show up to this circle jerk. So, the Packers first and second round picks:

First round, 23rd overall: OT Bryan Bulaga

Second round, 56th overall: DE Mike Neal

I may write more about the draft in a few days, but for now, I’m putting away the lotion and zipping up.

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, 2010 NFL Draft, If you’re really good they call you a master(bater)

Of all the people in Wisconsin, nobody is as surprised as me that I’ve posted this much on this blog over the last two weeks, so far after the Superbowl and so far before the draft.

But here I am, posting again. About a person who appears to be Wisconsin’s adopted son, tight end Spencer Havner. Why is he Wisconsin’s adopted son? He catches lots of touchdowns. Actually, no. That’s cool and all, but the reason he’s one of us? Spencer was arrested in California for DUI yesterday.

And when you compare the penalties in Cali for DUI to the penalties in Wisconsin, I bet Spencer wishes he was in Wisconsin right now.

The bonus? He broke his shoulder. Double bonus? There’s probably a stipulation in his contract that says NO MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLES.

Said one of Havner’s neighbors, when interviewed: “Spencer’s a great guy. He’s one of those, uh, what do you call guys that are really smart but really stupid at the same time? Suhvanty? Right. Idiot Suhvanty. Spencer’s one of those. Love that guy.”

Nice goin’, Spencer.

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Spencer Havner, Drinking Like a Fish, DUI

In a move that surprised nobody, the Green Bay Packers unveiled their plans to use a throwback uniform for a couple games this year.  When asked about it, Packer president Mark Murphy said “This is a chance for us to yet again manufacture revenue where it looked like there was none.  I mean seriously.  How many uniforms will you rubes keep buying?  I swear if we did pink unis for breast cancer awareness (and is there someone on the planet that isn’t ‘aware’ of breast cancer at this point), every chick in Wisconsin would be getting a pink Aaron Rodgers jersey for Christmas this year.”

Murphy went on to say “Fuck!  The motherfucking mic was on?!  If any of you leaks what I just said to the media or that asshole Green Bay Packer blogger?  I’m gonna snatch your nuts and use ‘em for dice.  We clear?”

Oops.  Looks like Mr. Murphy’s gonna have some dice with pretty rounded-off corners to use on his next trip to the Oneida Casino.

Technorati Tags: Green Bay Packers, Throwback Uniforms, Grad-Level Courses on Sucking Your Customers Dry to be Held at Lambeau Atrium