Well this Brett Favre thing is just blowing up like that 4th of July screamer my dad told me to hold in my hand when I was 9, isn’t it? Ka-BOOM!
Reports are flying in from everywhere. I’ll try to dissect them here one by one. But first, my thanks to Ben Fawkes from The Ocho for putting more of this in front of me.
Bill Michaels, Packer reporter for WTMJ, is reporting that Brett’s mom thought that the Packers organization forced Brett out. Brett’s mom? Y’know, I get calls every year from moms, hoping I’ll hire their sons for summer jobs. The thing I always wonder is, why are their mothers calling for them? Are they too busy Xboxing? Too lazy to pick up a phone? Maybe they’re such blanket-sucking mommas boys that mom has to do even the lightest dirty work for them, like making phone calls about jobs. I’m now being forced to consider similar questions about Brett.
Here’s a quick test: What is John Elway’s mother’s name? Joe Montana’s? How ’bout the slushy Joe Namath? Jim Kelly? Dan Marino? Terry Bradshaw? Roger Staubach? Troy Aikman? Bart freaking Starr? You know any of ‘em? I don’t know any. But I know Bonita Favre. You decide what that means.
Oh, and when Kurt Warner’s wife would pipe up publicly when she thought her husband was being underutilized in St. Louis, did you think that made Kurt look like more of a man or more of a pussy? Again, translate that as you will into the current Favre fluster cuck.
So to me, Brett being forced out is really a side issue to why in thee hell Brett’s mom is saying anything to the media. I stopped letting my mom speak on my behalf when I was thirteen (just after I stopped sucking on my blanket).
Brett claimed that it was the preseason and mid-season practice, workout and team meeting schedule that really made him want to quit. Yet Chris Mortenson reports that Favre has been running and throwing with a high school team in Hattiesburg, Mississippi for over a month. Asphinctersayswhat? So he was “retired” for what - 156 minutes?
Brett’s asking for a “no strings attached” release so he can pursue whatever team he might have interest in, and Bus Cook is rattling a tinfoil sabre, that Brett doesn’t want to force the Packers hand by writing a letter requesting to be reinstated. By league policy (according to Mortenson’s article), the Packers would either need to take him back onto the team or grant his release. Oh, and Bus said Favre really wants this to be an amicable parting of company. Kinda like that Packer party I hosted back in ‘97, when one of my guests barfed on my carpet, then pissed everywhere in the bathroom except the toilet. “But dude, I want this to be an amicable parting. *urp* Your party was so excellent and we’ve been friends for so long.” Whatever dude. You make it so that I have to spend the next day cleaning up the mess you made in my house? We are so not friends anymore.
Hey, Bus? I’m no legal beagle, but there are a lot of rungs on an 80-man roster. Should the Packers take Favre back, it doesn’t mean he would by definition have the starting QB slot. In fact, more likely it would mean that Favre would hold down second string placekick holder job until such time as the Packers could get something of value for what’s left on Favre’s contract. Because after all, we know this was a premeditated move for Brett. Even Barack Obama and John McCain don’t switch positions this quickly on an issue. This was all part of a hillbillian, orchestrated plan to get out of Green Bay and play somewhere else. We think it stinks and we think a lot less of Brett for not having the stones to just come out with it. So we’re going to side with our city-owned team when they jerk your chain the way you’ve been jerking ours.
